Are we parents yet?

The Clements’ IVF Journey

NEW BLOG July 13, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Aria @ 11:26 am

I am migrating over to Blogger because WordPress only allows a couple dozen layouts, and you have to pay for an “upgrade” to customize a layout. This one is the girliest there is, and it’s still dark. Also embedding and other stuff isn’t allowed here. If you want the URL, comment and I’ll give it to you if I know you.


Stupid parents June 11, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Aria @ 12:41 pm

Link to what I’m talking about

And this started a shitstorm. The “replies that are unnecessary” [sic] are the ones that disagree with her. You’ve got many people agreeing that dissenting opinions shouldn’t be said because they might upset the poster, and you’ve got very few people who say that everyone has a right to state their opinion, just try to use some tact. And I was called a hypocrite for once posting asking that women who get pregnant in just a couple months please use a little tact about that fact due to the high number if infertile women in this section of the forum who spent years trying (and I didn’t whine about not being supported when the fertile women on the forum came out in droves to tell me how I was so wrong for simply asking that). Difference between me and HLS is I’m not asking for anyone to just not say something, just to please be sensitive about it. She wants anyone who disagrees with something to not say anything at all unless “requested.” Yeah, I’m not going to wait for permission to use free speech, though I will use tact to the best of my ability to say it and use medical links to back up what I say.

I’m also appalled at how it seems more people than not find absolutely no fault in using high-tech medical stuff to have a boy. This desire for boys has led to horrible things happening in countries where there are far more boys that girls, things such as men killing each other to increase their chances of a wife and raping women to claim them as wives. And, frankly, it’s insulting to people with true fertility issues requiring IVF to be so non-chalant about its use. “…if it is a girl then done the road we will save up and find a place to do IVF and gender selection for a boy so we have one biological son to carry on the family name…” IVF is extremely difficult to go through, and posts like this make it sound like it’s a walk in the part. Anyone who has been there will know it’s not, and it’s a procedure that should be respected for the difficult thing it is, not demoted to some elective tool to make sure one gender is had. (I hope Expecting first’s child, if she’s a girl, never ever finds out they’re hoping she’s a boy so she can carry on the family name, and that the reason they’re using high tech later is to have a boy because her gender was a disappointment. I still feel less valuable as a human knowing my gender was a disappointment, that my parents would have had as many kids as necessary to have that golden boy to carry on the name.)

I have so little respect left for most people I encounter. I won’t call someone an idiot to their faces, but inside, you bet I’m going to think little of people who say that because something’s exciting for them, that their kid will like it too (baby being born on Christmas extremely unusual names [K’aa is one Cody actually saw, K-dash-uh being how it’s said], etc.), or that one gender is better than the other, or that a child doesn’t understand that a pageant is a judgement on how she looks and how sexy she can present her prepubescent body in a bathing suit, so it’s a-okay to do them as long as mommy has fun. I’ve encountered all of these things today, and I’ve only been awake for two hours. These people need to think about how things will affect their children, the ones who have to live with unusual names, or the life-long effects of having spent the first decade of life judged on looks, or how sharing a birthday with the most major holiday in the world isn’t so cool when friends are off doing family things and your birthday gets overlooked in the holiday rush (every parent says it will never happen, but it does, it really does). And if you think one gender is better than the other, don’t plan to tell your child of the “inferior” gender that you wanted nothing more than a son!!

We’re hoping for a girl, but we wouldn’t be disappointed with a son, and he’d sure as hell never be told there was ever hope for a girl, even though the truth is what we hope for more than anything is a healthy baby. I am hoping so hard that our baby is born in November so that his/her (I still haven’t shared what a tech and a doctor thought the gender might be, did I?) birthday will not have the chance to be overlooked because of the holiday or have a birthday fall on the day of the company party or school dance, or just accidentally be forgotten in all else that goes on (every single person I know with a birthday between the 1st and 25th has had their birthday forgotten at least once by a close relative, such as a parent, grandparent, spouse, or child, and “it can be chalked up to that person’s stupidity”, as someone else said, but it still hurts to be forgotten on your birthday).

Sometimes I fantasize about buying a large lot of land somewhere and developing a town and the only people who can live there are the ones who have common sense and think about their children first and who strive to raise children to be good people rather than entitled brats, people who don’t live vicariously through their children in ways that can be detrimental to them, who don’t use their children as meal tickets, a town where courtesy still matters. I get so tired and sad reading and hearing about people putting what they think will be cool over what the child will go through for it. Oh, and that hyper-sensitivity crap. “Someone wouldn’t do the same thing I do, so they’re being unsupportive and mean and are trying to make me feel bad!!”

I have to go sew something to get my annoyance level down.


Well… May 30, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Aria @ 11:32 am

…the arraignment is in July. The guy’s getting hit with a misdemeanor. The bank will also be going to court as defendants. The screwed with the account and put someone else on the loan without consent.

It can still take several months to get the car back. At this point, we don’t want it. Not now. I’m not going to get into what we’ve got planned. If we take it to court versus getting them to accept our deal, the less available publicly (public as in beyond my control who can read it, like this entry), the better, for the time being.

We are really lucky though. This isn’t the end of the world for us. In fact, we’ve got a spare care. Sure, it can’t be legally driven without a new motor because a piston is blown and it can’t pass smog and be registered, this the cost of this is certainly a lot less than buying a whole care. It’s a loaded Sebring convertible that gets great gas mileage, and it’s actually a nice car. I feel rich in that we have a car that’s just been siting there collecting dust. If this is our idea of having it hard for a while, we know we’re very fortunate. I’ve certainly seen harder times in my life (you don’t get more rock bottom than homelessness, where I’ve been), and we know there are many others who are having it much tougher, for whom a dispute over a car can mean the difference between getting to work and paying rent, or ending up on the streets. So this really is only a moderate inconvenience, even if it’s a major annoyance.

I think I’ve got a ride to the doctor on Monday. I lost a pound and a half between yesterday and today. I need to have that testing done. Other than this, it’s uncomfortable to put pressure on my abdomen. It feels more full. Baby’s growing!

Star’s also going to be due soon. We can feel her kittens squirming around, and she’s as big as a cat-house. Right now she’s got my right arm pinned underneath her. She’s showing remarkable little discomfort, and we like to think that’s because we treat her so well that the comfort she gets outweighs any discomfort. We are completely willing to keep as many kittens as we must. They will NOT end up in homes we fear may throw them in shelters later, even if this means we keep them all. We’ve got a zoo already, but we’re also dedicated.

Yoda hasn’t been found. Long story short, we know what happened. We want his body so we can cremate him. We’re still looking, and have accepted we might not find him. Sad as we are, a ton of tears haven’t been shed. He’s not uncomfortable, and we love him enough to want his comfort over wanting him to be uncomfortable to be alive with us. While we miss him, we even are happier for him to be resting and at peace. He matters more than our wants for ourselves.


More on Yoda May 24, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Aria @ 9:10 am

I don’t think it’s possible to find a cat more well-loved than Yoda, or well-traveled! Because he’s as old as he is and needs lots of attention and we have to closely monitor him for weight-loss, our trip to Santa Barbara a month or so ago would have been canceled if we couldn’t take him with us. Trips can be re-planned. Yoda can’t be replaced.

In 2007 he got very sick as well (he’s old!), and wandered off for two weeks, and when he came back, it was like he had a new life in him. It was amazing. Right before that, before he wandered off that time, I got this picture of him with Emma. In case you can’t tell, our animals are cuddle-whore. They get so many hugs and spend so much time in our laps (even the girls, who are in the area of 50 pounds each!!), that it’s natural for a cat and a dog to cuddle up and sleep. They learned it from us, have an expectation of it, and so are extremely affectionate with each other. I love this sooooo much.

I’m hoping my stomach settles soon so I ca go do some searching. Even if he’s died, we want to find him. Our plan is to have him cremated and, because there’s no location special to him due to all the moving we’ve done, his place is with us. We want to keep his ashes and, when we go, have him still kept with us and buried with us. No where else is fitting for him, and the thought of him being thrown out in garbage or his ashes scattered somewhere meaningless just makes me see red. He deserves so much better than that!! It’s the least I can do for him, and it’s nowhere near as much as he’s done for me on our years together.


Animals update May 23, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Aria @ 11:38 pm

Star’s definitely with kittens. I’m angry we were lied to. But the situation as it is is what we have to work with. She’s too far along for an e-spay (aborting and spaying at the same time) as that much blood and fluid loss all at once could kill her. Thing is, she NEVER had any of the heat signs, none of the rearing up of her butt, the “I’m in heat, screw me” screeching meow, none of it. The only sign I guess you could say she’s had isn’t a valid indicator with her. She’s always extremely affectionate. I don’t think she could be more so. So affection doesn’t count as a sign. We know it’s 100% definite now as I can feel moving. An e-spay won’t work safely, and we’re not going to rush to the vet for an ultrasound. I’ve delivered kittens before, even though my area was dogs at the vet hospital. So…I think this comes at a “good” time now. I’m sure you’re asking, “What the hell do you mean?”

It’s typical for Yoda to disappear for an entire day or two, and then he comes out from under the bed or from behind a box in the closet. He’s been gone three days, and he is nowhere inside. We’ve ripped the place apart. He’s not here. He had to have slipped out the door and managed to get through the gate. He’s only allowed on the porch with his age (24 years). But he’s not there.

This cat has been with me through every major event in my life, both good and bad. He’s been the one constant in my life through all the turmoil, chaos, and utter drama. He’s been with me through just so much, and lived in so many places, on both coasts, with me. It’s important to me that he meet the baby. How can I have the baby without him being here for that? It seems wrong.

And now we’re worried he may have gone off outside, slipped out, and to find a place to die.

And yet if he does just that, I’ll feel lost but not devastated. We decided last year that, because he has a fighting spirit and hasn’t given up, even when he’s been sick, we were going to let him go when HE decided he was ready, rather than euthanizing him. I know Yoda, and he wouldn’t want us to decide for him. Last year he had an aural hematoma, and that usually requires surgery so it doesn’t get extremely infected. He’s too old for surgery. So the options were to wait it out (with grim odds), or to euthanize. I originally decided to euthanize, and was holding him crying and telling him I was sorry, and when I said I didn’t want to have to let him go, I swear he looked up at me fiercely with this look that said, “Don’t you dare quit on me! I’m not quitting!!” And he started to get better QUICK.

This is when his ear was starting to look BETTER!!

The cartilage in it split into a front side and a back side and it was so inflamed, and it abscessed. It was awful, but he was a fighter. We gave him kitty pain meds, but he was going to fight. You can tell in that picture that he’s got a kitty smile on his face, even with his ear like that.

This was him the day after Christmas. His ear shriveled up, but still bright-eyed. He had a jacket on, and I put Christmas ribbon on him, and then took him into the grass for a bit.

Even though we still have two more cats (and one of them pregnant, ugh), and two dogs, the apartment feels empty without him in it. I do hope he comes back.

Tomorrow will be aday for more searching. I’d rather find him, even if he’s died, so he can be cremated and kept with us.


How times have changed!! March 31, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Aria @ 4:07 pm

In 1971, the British Medical Associaiton advised that if you were under 5 ft in height you should have your baby in a hospital; if you had the baby at home, the husband should sleep in another room for the first two weeks; you shouldn’t drink a lot of alcohol – “at the most one or two sherries or two glasses of beer a day”; and when you first find out you are pregnant and go to see your doctor “you will almost certainly have a chest x-ray to make sure there is nothing wrong… A chest x-ray is prefectly harmless from the point of view of you and your baby. So please don’t worry about it at all.”



Test #12 March 24, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Aria @ 8:53 pm

What did you expect, that I wouldn’t test again? 🙂 This is my last one of the night though. I only have two left, so one for morning, and one for sometime early afternoon. Not long after that, I should hear the official word.