I’m having a very hard time with this. It’s hard not to blame yourself when you’re the one holding a baby animal and she dies in your hands, even knowing there’s nothing that can really be done at this age. I’ve worked at a vet hospital. In addition to being excruciatingly costly, the outcome at 11 days is very poor to the point that usually it’s just said nothing can be done. I had hoped she would be another Luthien. When Emma had her pups, Luthien got very sick at three weeks and spent a week with breathing trouble and the vet wrote her off as nothing can be done, but, though she truly has some mild retardation, she made it and we kept her. She’s not the brightest crayon in the box, but she’s sure one of the sweetest. It was a week spent like that hour and 15 minutes today, an entire week of touch and go, but she made it, so I think having that comparison makes Grace harder to lose.
Here she is, still alive:
Star almost always purrs up a storm when laying with her babies. I have Gracie on the bed with me, and she meowed, so Star jumped up and took her away. It’s kind of hard to tell here, but she had her eyes closed really tight. She wasn’t purring and just hugged her baby, bathed her, hugged her more. It was so sad.
She’s still coming out to the living room looking for her. I’ve removed the baby from the litter just in case it’s contagious. When I woke up this morning, she was fine. They all were. So it was so shocking to walk in just an hour and a half or so later to see her struggling to breathe and her breaths very raspy.
I sent Cody a text that she was sick. He sent one back asking if we had another Luthien, and I had him call me. He’s not taking it too well either. When he gets home, I’ll wrap her in silk and then we’ll bury her. It may sound silly, but I can’t stomach just throwing an animal in the ground, and so always try to make a nice little burial box or wrapping. I’ve had many, many animals, and I’ve lost many, many animals, and I just can’t bury them in a way I don’t feel is dignified, even if straight into the ground is the natural way.
And it’s a bit harder because, when Yoda died, he wandered off to die alone, so we didn’t get to bury him (we actually had planned cremation). I’ve had him for so long that I still expect to see him walking around, and it’s been not even four whole weeks.
So I keep crying today.