Are we parents yet?

The Clements’ IVF Journey

Today’s appointment…not so good June 18, 2009

Filed under: Prenatal appointments — Aria @ 1:19 pm

The baby’s heartbeat couldn’t be found on doppler, which was nerve-wracking. It was found on ultrasound, so that was okay.

Well, see, thing is, not only are we expecting a complicated third trimester, in addition to the risks now, but they’re expecting potential problems with the delivery. The delivery is definitely, without a doubt, going to be a c-section. But there will be a regular surgery team present in case anything goes wrong, such as if adhesions must be separated leading to a bowel perforation. With my medical history, this would not be good.

I’ll tell you, it’s something not looking forward to the day your baby’s born because the doctor is putting plans in place for a life-threatening problem. I know doctors always plan for the worst, but she’s really concerned, and she’s one of the best high-risk OB/GYNs at Stanford. High-risk c-sections are routine to her, and she’s concerned about whether or not I get through unscathed.

I really wish I could enjoy being pregnant instead of making plans to up my life insurance.

So I’ve got a surgery consultation coming up, as well as the anatomy scan in four weeks or so (both of those dates are yet to be set), in addition to my next appointment in three weeks, and they are expected to increase in frequency.

When am I supposed to get to enjoy this?

Also, it’s pretty much a certain thing that this will be my own baby.

And you know what the kicker is? We would gladly have saved up for a decade tor adopt if I weren’t considered unadoptable due to the same medical past making this all complicated right now. I know this because an ex and I tried adopting. He had a trust that paid the thousands in fees to each agency we tried. You pay them a fee and then start the screening, and the fee isn’t refundable. We tried several places. Their thinking is that I COULD get sick again, making a stressful environment for a child. Um, like foster care isn’t stressful? We were trying to adopt specifically a sister pair, black, ages 9 and 10. Siblings, non-white children, and children over 5 all have a hard time getting adopted, and these girls were all three. So a life of foster care is better than being in a home that would have loved them. So we looked into foster care, and were denied also for my medical history.

Since adoption and foster care are out of the question, leaving the only chance to get to nurture children being the option that could kill me. This angers me more than I can say.


3 Responses to “Today’s appointment…not so good”

  1. christinaohio Says:

    I understand completely. I’ve been a type 1 diabetic since I was 9 yo. Why any person in the world can drop kids like puppies and no one says a word but wanting to take on one of the kids deemed unwanted comes with a long list of requirements is beyond me? We don’t have any kids because of this and is probably why I’m so excited for you. Hang in there and know there are a lot of people here cheering you on. 🙂

  2. Aria Says:

    Because it’s a “right” to punch out babies like bunnies, but a privilege to give a home to a child who desperately needs to be loved. On neither side of the coin is what’s best for the child taken into consideration. Children are property, and you only have any right if can have them on your own from your own body. Otherwise they’re a treat. If you drop them out on your own, you get chance after chance if you abuse them and use drugs and crap, because you have a right to have them. If you have an impeccable record of public service, volunteering, etc., but have any illnesses or diseases at all, from diabetes to a history of cancer, even if it’s been under control or cured or in remission for years, then you’re not good enough to get a child. That child doesn’t deserve you for being diabetic, but deserves to be with a mom who beats the child and does drugs? Blood really is stronger.

    I’ve been bitter about the system ever since we were denied adopting two girls who had almost no chance.

  3. psychohist Says:

    “When am I supposed to get to enjoy this?”

    When you are cuddling the baby up to your chest, or looking into his or her eyes, it will all be worthwhile.

    But you know that already.

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