The baby’s heartbeat couldn’t be found on doppler, which was nerve-wracking. It was found on ultrasound, so that was okay.
Well, see, thing is, not only are we expecting a complicated third trimester, in addition to the risks now, but they’re expecting potential problems with the delivery. The delivery is definitely, without a doubt, going to be a c-section. But there will be a regular surgery team present in case anything goes wrong, such as if adhesions must be separated leading to a bowel perforation. With my medical history, this would not be good.
I’ll tell you, it’s something not looking forward to the day your baby’s born because the doctor is putting plans in place for a life-threatening problem. I know doctors always plan for the worst, but she’s really concerned, and she’s one of the best high-risk OB/GYNs at Stanford. High-risk c-sections are routine to her, and she’s concerned about whether or not I get through unscathed.
I really wish I could enjoy being pregnant instead of making plans to up my life insurance.
So I’ve got a surgery consultation coming up, as well as the anatomy scan in four weeks or so (both of those dates are yet to be set), in addition to my next appointment in three weeks, and they are expected to increase in frequency.
When am I supposed to get to enjoy this?
Also, it’s pretty much a certain thing that this will be my own baby.
And you know what the kicker is? We would gladly have saved up for a decade tor adopt if I weren’t considered unadoptable due to the same medical past making this all complicated right now. I know this because an ex and I tried adopting. He had a trust that paid the thousands in fees to each agency we tried. You pay them a fee and then start the screening, and the fee isn’t refundable. We tried several places. Their thinking is that I COULD get sick again, making a stressful environment for a child. Um, like foster care isn’t stressful? We were trying to adopt specifically a sister pair, black, ages 9 and 10. Siblings, non-white children, and children over 5 all have a hard time getting adopted, and these girls were all three. So a life of foster care is better than being in a home that would have loved them. So we looked into foster care, and were denied also for my medical history.
Since adoption and foster care are out of the question, leaving the only chance to get to nurture children being the option that could kill me. This angers me more than I can say.