Are we parents yet?

The Clements’ IVF Journey

Stupid parents June 11, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Aria @ 12:41 pm

Link to what I’m talking about

And this started a shitstorm. The “replies that are unnecessary” [sic] are the ones that disagree with her. You’ve got many people agreeing that dissenting opinions shouldn’t be said because they might upset the poster, and you’ve got very few people who say that everyone has a right to state their opinion, just try to use some tact. And I was called a hypocrite for once posting asking that women who get pregnant in just a couple months please use a little tact about that fact due to the high number if infertile women in this section of the forum who spent years trying (and I didn’t whine about not being supported when the fertile women on the forum came out in droves to tell me how I was so wrong for simply asking that). Difference between me and HLS is I’m not asking for anyone to just not say something, just to please be sensitive about it. She wants anyone who disagrees with something to not say anything at all unless “requested.” Yeah, I’m not going to wait for permission to use free speech, though I will use tact to the best of my ability to say it and use medical links to back up what I say.

I’m also appalled at how it seems more people than not find absolutely no fault in using high-tech medical stuff to have a boy. This desire for boys has led to horrible things happening in countries where there are far more boys that girls, things such as men killing each other to increase their chances of a wife and raping women to claim them as wives. And, frankly, it’s insulting to people with true fertility issues requiring IVF to be so non-chalant about its use. “…if it is a girl then done the road we will save up and find a place to do IVF and gender selection for a boy so we have one biological son to carry on the family name…” IVF is extremely difficult to go through, and posts like this make it sound like it’s a walk in the part. Anyone who has been there will know it’s not, and it’s a procedure that should be respected for the difficult thing it is, not demoted to some elective tool to make sure one gender is had. (I hope Expecting first’s child, if she’s a girl, never ever finds out they’re hoping she’s a boy so she can carry on the family name, and that the reason they’re using high tech later is to have a boy because her gender was a disappointment. I still feel less valuable as a human knowing my gender was a disappointment, that my parents would have had as many kids as necessary to have that golden boy to carry on the name.)

I have so little respect left for most people I encounter. I won’t call someone an idiot to their faces, but inside, you bet I’m going to think little of people who say that because something’s exciting for them, that their kid will like it too (baby being born on Christmas extremely unusual names [K’aa is one Cody actually saw, K-dash-uh being how it’s said], etc.), or that one gender is better than the other, or that a child doesn’t understand that a pageant is a judgement on how she looks and how sexy she can present her prepubescent body in a bathing suit, so it’s a-okay to do them as long as mommy has fun. I’ve encountered all of these things today, and I’ve only been awake for two hours. These people need to think about how things will affect their children, the ones who have to live with unusual names, or the life-long effects of having spent the first decade of life judged on looks, or how sharing a birthday with the most major holiday in the world isn’t so cool when friends are off doing family things and your birthday gets overlooked in the holiday rush (every parent says it will never happen, but it does, it really does). And if you think one gender is better than the other, don’t plan to tell your child of the “inferior” gender that you wanted nothing more than a son!!

We’re hoping for a girl, but we wouldn’t be disappointed with a son, and he’d sure as hell never be told there was ever hope for a girl, even though the truth is what we hope for more than anything is a healthy baby. I am hoping so hard that our baby is born in November so that his/her (I still haven’t shared what a tech and a doctor thought the gender might be, did I?) birthday will not have the chance to be overlooked because of the holiday or have a birthday fall on the day of the company party or school dance, or just accidentally be forgotten in all else that goes on (every single person I know with a birthday between the 1st and 25th has had their birthday forgotten at least once by a close relative, such as a parent, grandparent, spouse, or child, and “it can be chalked up to that person’s stupidity”, as someone else said, but it still hurts to be forgotten on your birthday).

Sometimes I fantasize about buying a large lot of land somewhere and developing a town and the only people who can live there are the ones who have common sense and think about their children first and who strive to raise children to be good people rather than entitled brats, people who don’t live vicariously through their children in ways that can be detrimental to them, who don’t use their children as meal tickets, a town where courtesy still matters. I get so tired and sad reading and hearing about people putting what they think will be cool over what the child will go through for it. Oh, and that hyper-sensitivity crap. “Someone wouldn’t do the same thing I do, so they’re being unsupportive and mean and are trying to make me feel bad!!”

I have to go sew something to get my annoyance level down.

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