Star’s definitely with kittens. I’m angry we were lied to. But the situation as it is is what we have to work with. She’s too far along for an e-spay (aborting and spaying at the same time) as that much blood and fluid loss all at once could kill her. Thing is, she NEVER had any of the heat signs, none of the rearing up of her butt, the “I’m in heat, screw me” screeching meow, none of it. The only sign I guess you could say she’s had isn’t a valid indicator with her. She’s always extremely affectionate. I don’t think she could be more so. So affection doesn’t count as a sign. We know it’s 100% definite now as I can feel moving. An e-spay won’t work safely, and we’re not going to rush to the vet for an ultrasound. I’ve delivered kittens before, even though my area was dogs at the vet hospital. So…I think this comes at a “good” time now. I’m sure you’re asking, “What the hell do you mean?”
It’s typical for Yoda to disappear for an entire day or two, and then he comes out from under the bed or from behind a box in the closet. He’s been gone three days, and he is nowhere inside. We’ve ripped the place apart. He’s not here. He had to have slipped out the door and managed to get through the gate. He’s only allowed on the porch with his age (24 years). But he’s not there.
This cat has been with me through every major event in my life, both good and bad. He’s been the one constant in my life through all the turmoil, chaos, and utter drama. He’s been with me through just so much, and lived in so many places, on both coasts, with me. It’s important to me that he meet the baby. How can I have the baby without him being here for that? It seems wrong.
And now we’re worried he may have gone off outside, slipped out, and to find a place to die.
And yet if he does just that, I’ll feel lost but not devastated. We decided last year that, because he has a fighting spirit and hasn’t given up, even when he’s been sick, we were going to let him go when HE decided he was ready, rather than euthanizing him. I know Yoda, and he wouldn’t want us to decide for him. Last year he had an aural hematoma, and that usually requires surgery so it doesn’t get extremely infected. He’s too old for surgery. So the options were to wait it out (with grim odds), or to euthanize. I originally decided to euthanize, and was holding him crying and telling him I was sorry, and when I said I didn’t want to have to let him go, I swear he looked up at me fiercely with this look that said, “Don’t you dare quit on me! I’m not quitting!!” And he started to get better QUICK.
This is when his ear was starting to look BETTER!!
The cartilage in it split into a front side and a back side and it was so inflamed, and it abscessed. It was awful, but he was a fighter. We gave him kitty pain meds, but he was going to fight. You can tell in that picture that he’s got a kitty smile on his face, even with his ear like that.
This was him the day after Christmas. His ear shriveled up, but still bright-eyed. He had a jacket on, and I put Christmas ribbon on him, and then took him into the grass for a bit.
Even though we still have two more cats (and one of them pregnant, ugh), and two dogs, the apartment feels empty without him in it. I do hope he comes back.
Tomorrow will be aday for more searching. I’d rather find him, even if he’s died, so he can be cremated and kept with us.