Are we parents yet?

The Clements’ IVF Journey

“How is babby birthed?” May 7, 2009

Filed under: Frustrations — Aria @ 2:41 pm

I just got home from the first OB appointment (and ultrasound #7, sheesh, but no new pics to share). I saw first one doctor, and then the one who will ultimately be responsible for my care until we move (if we do). I’ve lightly scratched the surface of my medical history here, but went into all of it there. When the doctor came in, after the first, she sat down, and, after introducing herself, took a moment before speaking. Then she said, “Without a doubt, you are very high risk.” No surprise. She had a look of bewilderment, like, “Why on earth did you get pregnant?”

Anyway, there’s a new way to give birth or something. See, they’re hesitant to do a c-section because of how many surgeries I’ve already had. They’re hesitant to allow a vaginal birth because of how many surgeries I’ve already had. That thing that pops out on the belly where the belly button is? If you push it with a secret code, you tummy will deflate and the baby will appear on the table!

Seriously though, this is an uncomfortable conundrum.

I know the risks on both sides. Frankly, I am not willing to live with the likely outcome of a vaginal birth, and that is that the j-pouch ruptures again and I have to have an ileostomy. When I say I am now willing to live with that again, I mean it, and those with power of attorney should anything happen understand and will honor my wishes. If an ileostomy is needed to save my life, I am to die. Period. No matter what. If the doctors won’t let me, I have a suicide plan in place. This is no joke, and don’t dare think I’m insane. If you’re never lived with your intestine through your side, a bag connected to you that inflates frequently during the say so that the world can tell your body isn’t normal, then you’ve got no idea how miserable these thing are, how much of a freak you feel like. I am never going to do that again. Cody knows this too, and he respects it. Though he’d miss me, he understands it’s not fair to ask me to live in such misery.

I am willing to deal with the infection rate and muscular concerns of a c-section, and what may happen to my abdominal muscles. At worst, what would happen is cosmetic, not a quality-of-life issue. My abdomen and stomach are already so cut up and scarred. What are a few more scars when my worst is 10″ long and over an inch wide and very noticeable?

I am not a child. I know the risks in both directions. I’ve studied on this for years. So I am very annoyed that she’s hoping to find a way to deny a c-section. It isn’t my idea of fun either. My dream birth would be un-medicated and at home. But I’m not willing to risk an ileostomy, and anyone who dares to think I should because it can’t be that bad is free to go to hell, and I’ve told several people to do just that. I’m the one who’d have to live with it.

So I am somewhat pissed off right now. I know what I need and what I’m willing to live with. ELECTIVE c-sections are done all the damned time, despite the infection risk compared to vaginal. I don’t think anyone has a right to try to find a way to make the choice for me to have a vaginal with what the risks are in my case. I have an appointment in three weeks. If I get the feeling again that the doctor is going to edge toward a vaginal despite my wishes, I’m willing to leave that hospital. My wishes WILL be respected and followed. I am the one who has to live with it.

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6 Responses to ““How is babby birthed?””

  1. xyneshia Says:

    I would never tell anyone whether or not living with an ileostomy is bad or not so bad or terrible or anything else. You know I love you …………. but how dare you be willing to leave behind your child without a mother (due to suicide no less) so that you dont have to feel like a freak! Your child is worth more than that, a mother must be willing to sacrifice anything for her child ANYTHING! your baby needs a mom, period. not a step mom or a foster mom, YOU! By the way there are so many doctors out there that are c-section happy that you should have no problem finding one willing to do yours.

  2. psychohist Says:

    Normally I’m very much in favor of vaginal births, but it doesn’t seem advisable in your situation, and it would seem to me unreasonable if a doctor were to pressure you into one. Caesarians are completely routine these days, so even with the difficulties in your case, it shouldn’t be such a big deal.

    Perhaps that particular doctor is thinking that she herself wouldn’t feel comfortable doing it? The obvious solution then would seem to be for her to recommend someone who has more experience with more complex surgeries.

  3. thereisafountain Says:

    You might want to check and see if your insurance will cover an elective section. Most don’t cover electives, only emergency sections.

  4. Aria Says:

    A medically necessary c-section isn’t elective. Elective is it would be more convenient to wake up and go to the hospital on a pre-determined morning when the grandparents have arranged to be off work to be there. A medically necessary one is a vaginal birth carries an exceptionally high complication or death rate, so will be scheduled for safety. An emergency is one where it starts off fine, then becomes necessary, such as fetal distress.

    No hospital or doctor in the US, for example, would have a woman with complete placenta previa even try a vaginal birth in order to have an emergency c-section, and it would only be elective as far as does the woman want to live or hemorrhage to death?

    My insurance covers not only emergency and medically necessary ones, but even the non-necessary, completely elective ones.

  5. thereisafountain Says:

    Haha, sorry I didn’t read your post well. I just saw “elective” in all caps and thought you meant yours was going to be elective. Now that I reread, I understand the situation. I just know a lot of women go in assuming their elective section will be covered, and it often isn’t. I’m glad you have decent insurance, and hope the doctor will agree with you and preform the birth you need, or that you find a better doc. 🙂 I miss you on LJ. I feel disconnected since you’re on on my FL anymore.

  6. pickleboot Says:

    i can’t imagine a dr saying you are high risk then wanting you to have a vaginal delivery over a c-section is just insane. and given the troubles my aunt is having with her something-ostomy; she is back in for more surgery after having something removed and then a fistula happening and things were much worse than originally thought and yeah. she spent over 3 months last year in the icu and it is looking like another stretch this month there. it is heart breaking. i hope that you can find a dr willing to work with you.

    and i miss you on lj, too. i have a ton to catch you up on- i broke my elbow two weeks ago saturday, which has got me pretty laid up. not fun.


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