I’ve talked to Cody a bit about getting married. Our options come down to one of three things:
A: Holding that much smaller wedding at the little venue in our budget. This isn’t so desirable. Sure, I’d get to design a wedding dress and we’d have our first dance, but it would mean cutting our guest list down to about 20 people, including ourselves. The only way we could fairly do this would be to not only cut children, but to cut the spouses of the people we want in our bridal party and hold a raffle for the remaining few spots after counting us and his parents, their significant others, and his brother. I can’t handle the thought of telling deal friends that they didn’t make the cut, or to tell one of my bridesmaids that her husband can’t come. This option would hurt a lot of people.
B: Putting the wedding off until 2011 or 2012. Neither of us is very comfortable with this idea. If something were to happen to either of us, the other wouldn’t have any legal right to even be in the hospital room. And having children, these legal rights become even more important.
C: Going to the courthouse and just doing it.
Going to the courthouse followed by a “wedding” in a few years really doesn’t cut it for me. That “wedding” would really be just a play. “Do you take this man to be your husband” just isn’t right after being married a few years – I already took him as my husband! I am truly against this idea that is now becoming known as “getting weddinged” (sic).
Whenever I read on wedding forums people complaining about how “little” their parents are giving them, I wish I could reach through the computer screen and slap them really hard. The ex-friend of mine who thins her parents should be giving her more that $30,000 needs a hard hit with a clue-by-four. These people are complaining about a privilege and are ungrateful brats. What will be gifted to us for our wedding? Nothing. Those on Cody’s side who might have already did for his first wedding, and I’ve got no one. I don’t even think we would get wedding gifts, same reason. I would be extremely grateful for any phone calls we got after a quickie ceremony that weren’t to badger us for not magically making the money appear from thin air to have the special event, but rather well wishes.
I’m really not sure what else we can do though. I mean, even having a wedding with everyone we want to invite and having it be a very casual event in jeans and with cake and punch won’t work without somewhere to have it, and that’s our problem. The lowest-priced location we’ve found that’s big enough (which does happen to be on the beach, as I’ve always wanted anyway) is still too expensive. $3,300 for a venue is really extremely reasonable, but more than our entire budget.
It really is a “take what we can get” thing at this point. But at the end of the day, we’ll be married, no matter what kind of ceremony, so I’m working on talking Cody into just going to the courthouse and just doing it and getting the getting-married part over with so I don’t have reason to dwell. I think it’s going to be nothing more than beating a dead horse to keep trying to find ways to make a wedding work, a lot of effort for nothing in the end other than to ultimately do what I’m going to try talking him into now. Not having a wedding isn’t a real loss in the scheme of life, and I know that, even if it is one of those things most people get to have, and many see as a rite of passage, or a milestone, a great memory-maker. But I can fabricate my own memories!
At the end of the day, married is married, and I am a shallow, terrible person because I can’t help but have some disappointment that a wedding just isn’t something I can have. If we can’t realistically afford it, then we can’t. So the sooner we can just get married, the better, but it’s gearing up to be a hard-sell. He’s just really not happy about the idea of our wedding being a civil ceremony on some random weekday. He know that this would mean going down and applying for a license, then waiting for a justice of the peace to be available since the times aren’t scheduled, and then an unpersonalized quick little ceremony. It’s nothing pretty, but it gets the job done.
If there are any suggestions for both talking him into this and to get him to be somehow okay with it, I’d like to hear them please.