Are we parents yet?

The Clements’ IVF Journey

Stupid and entitled people April 17, 2009

Filed under: Frustrations,General thoughts — Aria @ 3:34 pm

I am really annoyed right now. It takes the average couple a year to conceive a baby. Yet so often I’m seeing posts on forums made by women outright bitching about it taking soooooo long. Like two months. TWO MONTHS. Sorry, but that doesn’t warrant a major bitch-fest and an expectation that everyone with coo and sympathize. I know we all hope it happens the very first cycle that trying to conceive becomes official, but that’s unlikely. Even two months is still very fast, as is three months. Get pregnant that quick? You’re in the minority of people who have a bun in the oven in under six months, so quit bitching.

I’ve got infertile friends who’ve encountered this same thing on various forums and communities, and several of us have left one particular community because of post after post about two or three months being such looooong time, and, “It took us three months to get finally pregnant – I never thought it would happen since it didn’t happen the first month!” The complaints are really extremely annoying, hurtful, and insensitive. It really feels like they are trying to get attention and sympathy for their “problems”, and this is unspeakably insulting for people who have true diagnosed fertility issues.

And yet it’s considered insensitive of ME to tell someone complaining that it took three months that the typical couple takes a full year to get pregnant, so she’s actually ahead of the game. It was seen as belittling her frustrations. It’s okay to bitch and moan about it taking all of three months, but not okay to ask others to please show a little sensitivity to the people on the forum who’ve taken years, and in many cases, still haven’t succeeded. It’s not belittling to infertile people to say don’t worry, it’ll happen. I don’t get it.

I think these women are trying to be “spechul snowflayks” since having problems is just so fashionable these days. Well, every single infertile person I’ve ever known would gladly trade places with these idiots bitching that three months is ages. All of us infertile people would love to have reproductive systems that work right and to get to conceive our babies through sex instead of dozens of shots, thousands of dollars, and petri dishes. It doesn’t help that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt used IVF needlessly to bypass the time it can take to conceive to have the twins they had.

I’m thinking these women need to be shut up and be thankful that they got pregnant naturally and in much less time than is average, and without incurring tens of thousands in debt to do it. Know what? I’m not even going to complain about the debt we have because I know we are extremely fortunate to have been able to incur this debt. We know that there are so many people in this country who need the same procedure, and yet have no chance of it happening. Clinics that let you go into debt and pay later are very VERY rare, and getting a loan for $20,000 (per try) is next to impossible, and saving up this much in cash to pay up front takes years, and not everyone has years to wait with other reproductive conditions that make IVF necessary and a hysterectomy probable. I have a friend who has been trying naturally since August of last year, and I know it’s frustrating, but she knows a year is common, and so isn’t complaining about it taking longer than she’d like.

There is also a woman who’s been complaining that she “only” got one baby shower from her husband’s side of the family for her first baby. How the hell many is she expecting from the SAME group of people for the SAME baby?! No one is entitled to any showers at all. Sure, gifts are nice to receive, but there should be no expectation for them nor a demand. Another woman was also complaining about not getting what she wanted the first time around, so is planning to host her OWN baby shower.

Maybe I’m odd in my thinking, but it two ADULTS decide to do something, they should not EXPECT other people to financially fund their decision, and then bitch and moan if they don’t get what the perceive as enough. Within the next year we will have two babies AND our wedding. In addition to wedding costs, we will need two carseats, two cribs, two of most things, and none of this is cheap. How much of this are we expecting others to pay for us? None of it. We aren’t even anticipating anyone forking over the money or to buy the items. We would graciously accept gifts, but sure as hell aren’t going to bitch and be disappointed about what isn’t handed to us on a silver platter. This is because we are ADULTS and OUR decisions do NOT obligate anyone else to fund the bills.

Sometimes I hate most people so much. Being grateful for what one has seems to be a thing of the past and feeling deprived even with a home full of luxuries and thinking one should have what once wants that very second is all the rage.

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3 Responses to “Stupid and entitled people”

  1. You know the old saying, “the ore I get to know people the more I like my dog” came about because of people lke this.As I’ve got older it worries me less and less about what other people think or do, most like these will do anything for attention which is pretty pathetic if you ask me.More well adjusted people don’t need that kind of attention past the age of 17!I always try to remind myself it could be worse, they could actually live next to me! 😮

  2. psychohist Says:

    Heh. I can remember when I thought three months was a long time. Of course, I didn’t complain about it in public, and I would have been happy to have been pointed to statistics about how long it actually takes.

    I’m completely with you about the entitlement thing. I’m worried that it’s becoming more and more common, though.


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