Are we parents yet?

The Clements’ IVF Journey

Easter April 12, 2009

Filed under: General thoughts — Aria @ 3:54 pm

It should come as no surprise that I’m no longer Christian. I am agnostic and Cody is a firm Atheist. However we still celebrate holidays for the fun of them.

Last night we dyed eggs in eight different colors and combinations. For once he stayed up late, but I had to stay up later so that I could hide the eggs, even through he had no idea. Then I had to quietly sneak next to him the basket I made with lots of chocolate and those hollow Palmer’s bunnies he loves so much.

When he woke up, he was so childlike, completely surprised, and it was sweet. He found the first 18 eggs rather easily, and took longer to get the rest, even though none of them were hidden very well.

Last night I made a big ol’ pot of macaroni salad. I looooove my macaroni salad. I also prepped a platter of veggies and dip, and a cherry-topped cheesecake. Also I set a huge tri-tip to marinate in my special sauce. Today it was the mashed potatoes with sautéd onions and cheddar and bbq’ing the tri tip and making the deviled eggs. Not to toot my own horn, but I rock in the kitchen.

It’s a rather lazy day, watching Mary Poppins, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and now Sound of Music. Good ol’ family movies, unlike this new “family” movie advertised at every commercial break about two people faking getting married for the sole purpose of the gifts and money. I shake my head at that being a family movie. How terrible. It’s called “My Fake Fiancé” for anyone who cares to look it up. I thought family movies involved families and were kid-friendly. Silly me.

In other news, my mother’s in the hospital and the best case scenario is a tumor on her stomach. The worst case is pancreatic cancer, which is a guaranteed killer unless you have the level of care Steve Jobs has paid for to stay alive five years. I know she’s not doing too well out in the valley, but I absolutely can’t keep enabling her and we are still trying to recover financially from the money we spent in moving her into a house and paying a couple months’ rent, that she didn’t maintain. I haven’t yet decided if I’ll make the drive out there one day this week. I hate the valley with a passion, though also hate a relative being alone, even if she did bring this upon herself. I don’t financially support her anymore, but may see what I can find in terms of resources that can help her. She did pay into the system for a solid 18 years or so before falling completely apart and not working a few years ago. What she’s paid out of a nurse’s salary should be worth something, though I know the system and people who pay always seem to be the ones shit on. Her siblings all have never exactly contributed anything, just gotten pregnant as teens to collect welfare, and this has been encouraged (except the thought is I should be working to pay taxes instead of having my own children while my fiancé works outside the home and I have a small business – I should be working full-time to support them, and that makes me hate them all even more than I already do).

I thought telling my mom she’s going to be a grandmother would cheer her up, but it didn’t. My children will have a very small family. I grew up around many, MANY relatives and big family holidays, and it seems odd to me to raise children with just mom and dad around instead of packing up on holidays to go see grandparents and other extended relatives. If we get to move to Santa Barbara, there will be a couple of Cody’s relatives, but nothing compared to what I’m used to. Some silly memories of holidays for me is everyone smashing an egg on their heads on Easter, only one is raw, and that person is considered lucky, and using colored string around balloons with paste stuff to harden the string and then popping the balloon and decorating inside, and the youngest person in the house starting the Harry Simeone Choral’s version of The Little Drummer Boy after Thanksgiving to kick of the holiday season, and making cracker-like favors at Christmas with candy inside. Do things like this have any value when it’s the same people every day is already spent with?

On the up side, I’m getting back in contract with a few of my dad’s relatives. I don’t know what chance there is of seeing anyone in person (the chance of being invited to visit seems slim to none, though I will extend an invitation when we have a house one day, or perhaps for our wedding, if Cody’s not opposed), but any progress is better than none at all.

Maybe next Easter none of this will matter. We’ll be parents, and perhaps everything will work out by then with these things.

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