I’m tired, feel both exhausted and restless. For the past week I have kept my ass planted firmly on this couch. I’ve done no cleaning (except today I did about 10 minutes of mild housekeeping), no more cooking than it takes to throw a piece of chicken on the Foreman grill to make chicken Caesar salad, no baths, no more anything than necessary to life. I did break down and drink a diet Coke the other night. As a caffeine addict, it’s been hard not drinking caffeine every day, usually in the form of black tea or Diet Coke or diet Dr. Pepper. My Cafe Vienna drinks are the sugar-free decaf kind. Heh, all this sugar-free and diet stuff. No, not diabetic, I just don’t want to drink 1,000 calories in a day. I haven’t been sewing, since that requires getting up and down, to the floor cutting things, up to forms to pin things, etc..
This is really hard for someone used to running around and doing ballet.
So I’m dying to go DO something, like run five miles or jump around for a few hours. But no, I’m both also feeling exhausted in my core as well as not wanting to cause embies to be knocked loose, if they are indeed sticking this time.
I’m also indecisive. I’m dying for a diet cream soda. The Nob Hill/Raley’s/BelAir (same damned place by different names) brand is the best diet cream soda I’ve ever had. I go through a six pack, sometimes two of them, per day. I can use the sodium that’s in them, so I’m not worried about that, and I don’t believe aspartame will give me cancer. So it did in some lab rats, big deal. No issue was made of it when the same study on humans showed no increase in cancer. But hey, in addition to a link to obesity, high-fructose corn syrup, that stuff used to sweeten regular drinks and is in almost everything processed, contains mercury. So please, give me cancer-in-rats-but-not-humans aspartame over obesity-linked, mercury-HFCS any day.
Anyway, we have no diet cream sodas in the house. So I got in the car, drove to the store, pulled into the parking lot, exited the parking lot, and came home, because I changed my mind. Only now I want cream soda again. I’m not used to be indecisive unless I’m at Red Robin and have to ask Cody what the hell I want to eat since there’s nothing on that entire menu I don’t like.
So okay, part of the reason I didn’t go in is also because I’d probably head straight for the donuts and grab a few of the maple-covered ones, and even though I feel starved half the time, I don’t want to start going haywire on the junk food. If/When I am pregnant, I hope to get my baby/ies used to healthy food. And when they’re old enough to start eating regular food, I want them to enjoy healthy things. My favorite baby food was carrots. Um, I still sometimes buy carrot baby food, the Gerber kind, for snacks. I have 12 or so containers of baby food right now for me. And I preferred broccoli and cauliflower with ranch dip, or cottage cheese with fruit, rather than cake and candy bars. It’s important to me that my children grow up not eating junk. I’ll have to keep that stuff hidden under the bed! But there is evidence that babies begin to develop food preferences in the womb.
But still, I’m dying for diet cream soda. And a few donuts.