I feel like a freaking failure. What comes so easily to most people I can’t even accomplish using the most advanced technology in the world at one of the world’s top facilities. I can’t get a baby to live long enough to be born viable, and it’s my stupid body’s fault. That’s why I didn’t see my eating disorder as a problem for so long, even when I ended up in the ER last year. It was one thing I felt I could control with my body. People try to prevent babies and make them anyway. I try and still fail. Almost everyone I know my age have children. Multiple. And I’m failing at having just one be born alive.
Since realizing yesterday I’d be in the second trimester if we hadn’t lost the twins, I’ve been having a very very very hard time. I don’t cry easily, but that’s what’s been happening when I’m alone.