…I think we’re going to be out this month. I’m still tired like crazy, but not peeing 50 times per day and my boobs aren’t quite as sore and I feel a little cramping. I’m 11DPO and the test this morning was negative. I went back to bed with a heavy heart and feeling close to crying, though couldn’t seem to cry. I fell asleep and had a dream where the second line started to appear, although faintly. When I woke up again a couple hours later there was an extremely faint second line, but it was after the time, so just an evap line, so faint it might just have been wishful thinking.
How can I accept not having children? All my life the one thing I wanted to be more than anything was a good wife and mother, and I can be the first, but possibly not the second. I know Cody wants a baby, wants to get to be a father. I don’t know if it would be fair to stay with him if we can’t have a baby. I can’t have him sacrifice fatherhood for the sake of a wife. It just feels selfish to me to keep him for myself when it means giving up children. I know his mother wants more grandchildren and his brother wants to be an uncle. Would it be right to steal that from them too?