Are we parents yet?

The Clements’ IVF Journey

Emotions December 9, 2008

Filed under: Fears and worries — Aria @ 10:37 pm

Of the 14 eggs retrieved, only half fertilized normally. Two are abnormal, only one set of chromosomes each, and five didn’t at all. So just one day later and we are down by half. I hadn’t expected this, nor did I anticipate a sense if loss at the half that aren’t okay. So no we’ve got two more days before we here any more news. I’m so afraid they will all be lost that I can’t keep down food from grief.

Cody is trying to focus on the seven we still had as if this morning, but I feel like some small parts of me died this morning, which I guess technically happened. I feel like by heart is crying. I tried to do everything right while they were still in me and tried to take care of them, and now five have basically died. This feeling of grief is so completely unexpected. Maybe I’m just crazy though and shouldn’t feel like this.

I’m so scared of this not working at this point that part of me is screaming to stop so I won’t risk the news that a test is negative, but I also know that stopping guarantees no baby.

These emotions were completely unexpected.  Completely.  I didn’t think it would be a big deal to have some not fertilize (even though only HALF were normal!!), and this terror that I feel over it not working making me want to stop it so I don’t get bad news…

It’s hard not to panic right now.  I have no motivation to do anything but watch the clock and hope time speeds up.

Please keep the remaining seven in mind and send them positive thoughts.  Me too, I think, and Cody as well!


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