Are we parents yet?

The Clements’ IVF Journey

Gathering thoughts, and something stupid November 7, 2008

Filed under: The process — Aria @ 8:13 pm

Okay, so the discharge paperwork I got said no sex for a week. But sex is comforting to me. The physical feeling pales so much in comparison to the emotional connection.

Funny, in a way, how, when trying to have a baby via IVF, you’re put on oral contraceptives and told NOT to have sex!

But the hopeful-daddy-to-be said if the doctor said no sex for a week after the hysteroscopy, then that’s that, it’s not happening in any form because he won’t chance any harm, however slight the chance may be, happening to me.

Really, it’s sweet how protective he’s being. He’s treating me like glass, spoiling and pampering me, trying to make sure I get enough rest, making me whatever food sounds good, is quick to attention if I show any discomfort. If I’m even chilly he gets concerned. Know what that says to me? That he loves me very much. I can’t wait until he’s off work so I can hug him.


So, a recap of the class. Not surprisingly, we were the youngest.

The first part went over all the shots more in depth, what they were and did, which were man-man versus natural and which were antagonist versus agonist, the different types of IVF plans (I thought it was all the same, but there’s the long protocol, flare, etc.), what happens when, cells and embryos and blastocysts, etc.. Lots of questions were answered (see below for one of them that made my eyes roll inside). Then we had a break.

I lost it during the break and started crying. We wouldn’t have to go through all of this scary stuff if it weren’t for that jerk running through a stop and running into me! While I’ve have years to accept that this is what I’d have to do for a baby, it’s still really scary to me. And it wouldn’t have happened if that idiot has stopped. I would chalk it up to an accident if he hadn’t tried claiming I hit him even though the damage was to the front of his car and I, on a bike, couldn’t ride that fast – sideways.

Cody spent some time comforting me and we continued to the second part of the class that went over the Stanford program and research, then the shots stuff. Needles scare the hell out of me, yet, sadly, I was able to help a couple other people understand the different types because I’ve been around needles so much.

After the class, when we were driving to get him to work, he told me he’s learning so much (I am too), and that, if there’s something good coming out of having to go through this to have a baby, it’s that, if we meet another couple going through the same thing, we can help support them. That is so sweet of him! He’s looking at this not only from the viewpoint of what we have to go through, but how others can be helped by it.


Apple, where he works, is so extremely supportive of everything. Since the schedule for what happens is more of less “suggestive” since what happens when can change very easily, when he needs to take a morning off can change after the schedule comes out. For the shots class today we only found out three days ago, and they were quick to get him covered. They’re all so thrilled, and that means a lot. We found out today that one of his managers has a girlfriend who has been a surrogate (!!) at Stanford, and Brian said we couldn’t be in better hands. I agree. We’re very fortunate to be where we are right now (even if it is an arm and a leg to live here and we’re moving next year to Colorado) because it does mean being at one of the nation’s leading fertility facilities with some of the nation’s leading embryologists and REs.


Now for a little bit of stupid. One of the couples in the class we had today thought part of the process of IVF was to choose the gender of the baby. I watched the guy’s face when she told him that gender selection is not part of IVF and is done for genetic reasons, and not done through Stanford. He had this look of “Oh damn, that’s just greeeeaaaaeat!” And his wife looked very disappointed as well. I strongly suspect they were hoping for one gender over the other, or might have even been there solely to have a boy or girl. This suspicion was exacerbated by their disappearance after the break. I don’t mean to sound snarky, but if they didn’t come back after the break after finding out that gender selection isn’t part of the process, well, that pisses me off a bit. A baby of either gender should be just as valuable.


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